Masking One's Age
by Obelisk of Light
Summary: When Tsunade realises that she’s almost completely dependent on her Age jutsu, it’s much harder to take that mask off. One shot; contains spoilers for chapter 456.


**Summary: **When Tsunade realises that she's almost completely dependent on her Age jutsu, it's much harder to take that mask off. One shot; contains spoilers for chapter 456.

**Rating/Warnings: **T for sexual hinting and angst. You may need tissues.

**Pairing: **JiraTsuna

**Beta: **Angel Wings-008

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Naruto_ and am not making any profit from this fan fiction.

**Masking One's Age**

When Jiraiya, Orochimaru and I were in our mid-twenties, Jiraiya was the only one out of us Sannin not overly concerned about his appearance. Orochimaru was obsessed with immortality and eternal youth. I was somewhere in between the two. While not daring to follow Orochimaru's path completely, I had devised an Age jutsu, which I'd teach to no one else.

It became a mask of sorts, because I was vain to a certain extent, and despite remaining loyal to Konoha unlike my traitorous former team-mate, I was not immune to his influence.

For many years, this mask remained, taken off on occasion, yet not completely so.

* * *

Then, one day, I had a dreadful awakening. One that I did not want to face until my dying day, when this mask would fall off completely and irrevocably.

I was nearly out of chakra after my and Jiraiya's fight with Orochimaru. My jutsu had been completely shattered for a while. My hands were skeletally thin and shaky. My true, ghastly face was hidden from Jiraiya and Shizune, who, knowing this weakness without me telling them, did not pry any further when I told them that I needed some rest for the jutsu to reactivate. For my mask to be put together once again.

It was then that I realised that I'd never be able to put it away completely. This was, in a sense, like my guilty pleasures of sake and gambling. Something I'd never be able to let go of.

* * *

My job as Konoha's Fifth Hokage left little to no time for introspection. And I was still not ready to let go of the jutsu. But there was one night during which I came very, very close, despite being as unprepared as ever for casting the mask away.

The person responsible for it was Jiraiya. The only Sannin not keeping a mask of youthful appearance even though he was the one most young at heart.

It was the night before he was to leave for Amegakure. I feared he'd never return …

We were outside, sitting on a deserted bench, mostly talking business. He was as light-hearted as usual, even on the eve of an S-class reconnaissance mission. When we were done, he and I sat silently. I didn't really want to leave so soon, and apparently, neither did he. I was looking away from him, but I felt his dark eyes on my face. Any moment now, they were sure to move down south. _Pervert._

But they didn't. Jiraiya's stare was starting to annoy me nonetheless. I was going to punch him any second now, but before I could make up my mind to do so, he spoke up.

"Tsunade." I recognised that tone immediately. He was going to ask me out. Yet again. And on the eve of a mission. _Dummy._

"You want to ask me out again. Will you ever learn?"

He chuckled. "Definitely not. But you should know one thing …"

I turned to look at him. He wasn't beaming, but smiling genuinely. (Not that he gave fake smiles often.)

"I'd ask you out even if you didn't use your Age jutsu," he said. I was stunned. This was no cheesy pick-up line. (Where the hell did his legendary perversion go?) I didn't feel like punching him. For once. And when he kissed me, I still didn't punch him. I kissed him back instead, and we wrapped our arms around each other.

We broke apart for air. "Tsunade," he said again, his eyes meeting mine. "You don't need the jutsu."

How did he know of my dependence on the jutsu? I'd never spoken of it out loud.

"You're not that good at hiding secrets," he said.

"Jiraiya … I can't." I can't let go. I can't elaborate on it either. Not to another person. _Not even to you, Jiraiya._

"You'll have to try," he says, kissing me again. The words "I'll help you" went unsaid; but I knew. And I was thankful as I deepened the kiss.

He performed a set of familiar hand signs with his arms still wrapped around me, and we were transported to my office in a puff of smoke.

The Hokage tower was dimly lit, and the curtains were drawn.

"I was wondering where all your perversion was," I breathed, after he'd broken the kiss. His right hand ran along my body as he chuckled and drew my face near his.

But I wasn't really complaining, no. I wanted to escape from tomorrow's reality, if only for one night.

* * *

The next morning, we talked again. But of the mission and of Naruto Uzumaki's parents, not of my jutsu or the change in our relationship. They could wait until his return and debriefing.

But my worst fears came true. He didn't return. Although I was the closest person to him alive, except perhaps Naruto, I shed my tears in private.

I began to think less and less of removing the Age jutsu because it reminded me too much of Jiraiya and his passing. Konoha had to be protected, and a broken Hokage was only a liability. I had to be strong, and letting go of the jutsu now could be seen as a weakness. Even though the jutsu in itself was a weakness. My weakness. My mask.

* * *

The second time the jutsu broke in four years was after Pain's invasion. My chakra was almost nonexistent as I collapsed and knew that it was my time at last.

I would be corrected of my assumption much, much later …

* * *

_I awoke to total darkness and looked around me, seeing nothing at all, not even myself. _So this is death.

_I walked forwards in a random direction, and a flicker of bright yellow flames came into sight in the endless void. Without a second thought and in total disregard of the shinobi way, I ran towards it. After all, I was already dead and couldn't die a second time._

_In a surprisingly short time, I reached the well-tended, brightly burning fire, and looked around. To my greater surprise and happiness, someone I'd wanted to see again for a long time._

_Jiraiya was standing a short distance from the fire, its light bathing him in a golden sheen. He was as I remembered him, with the signs of age that I'd concealed on myself. His clothes were clean and he bore no signs of injury as he walked towards me._

"_Tsunade, you do look good without the Age jutsu," he said, grinning._

_Surprised, I looked at my hands. They were old and thin; veins clearly visible. Looking at them, I felt I wasn't ready, even when death left me with no choice but to accept._

_Perhaps Jiraiya sensed my insecurity, because he embraced me briefly. "I think it's just the side-effects of the jutsu, Tsunade. When you're better, they'll look stronger (at least for a few years)."_

That's impossible, _I thought. "I'm dead, Jiraiya, and so are you."_

"_You're not dead, Tsunade. You've been in a coma for quite some time," he said solemnly._

I'm lucky. _"I don't know if it's temporary or not. Do you, Jiraiya?"_

"_Well, you're the medic-nin." He chuckled, and then turned serious again._

"_Don't give up now, Tsunade. Not when you have another chance to take your mask off."He reached for my hand; I returned his firm grasp._

Not this speech of yours again. _"I can't."_

"_You can't unless you try."_

_I sighed and looked away from him. His gaze was fixed on me in a replay of his last night in Konoha._ Déjà vu …

_We were still holding hands._

_After a while, he took me in his arms and kissed me deeply. I ran my hands through his long white hair._

"_Promise me you won't hide any more, Tsunade," he said, after breaking the kiss._

I must make a beginning if I get a second chance.

"_I'll try, Jiraiya," I said sincerely, my eyes locked with his. He beamed back at me._

"_Good! I suppose I can move on now …"_

"_You've been waiting for me all this time?" I was stunned and touched._

"_Of course."_

"_Thank you." I smiled and pulled him closer. We remained in the embrace for a while, not wanting to let go.  
_

_All of a sudden, my sight seemed to fail and I could no longer feel Jiraiya's comforting warmth or his arms around me._

"_It looks like you're coming around …" I couldn't hear the rest of his sentence as it was drowned out by other voices …_

_

* * *

_"She's coming around!" The female voice was familiar.

I could hear hurried footsteps and someone kneeled beside me."It's about time," they whispered in relief. I thought I knew this voice too …

All of a sudden, I opened my eyes and attempted to sit up, when one of the kunoichi in the room stopped me. "Take it easy, Lady Tsunade," she whispered, sounding happy. _Shizune._

"I'm glad you're back, shishou," whispered the other kunoichi. _Sakura._ I looked at her as Shizune eased me back onto the futon. She was crying in relief; tears streaming down her smiling face. Her pink hair was rather messy.

"How long have I been out?" I asked, to no one in particular as I registered my surroundings. I was lying on a futon in the floor of a spacious tent; a makeshift hospital ward.

"Two weeks. We were very worried, Lady Tsunade. So much has happened …" Shizune began. "Danzo was made the Sixth Hoka-"

"What!? Not Kakashi?!" I said loudly.

"Take it easy, shishou!"

I continued to listen as Shizune told me about everything she knew – Danzo's appointment, him leaving for the Summit of the Five Kages in the neutral Land of Iron …

"Naruto, Kakashi and Yamato apparently followed some Kumogakure shinobi in secrecy, and rumours are going around that Danzo and a masked Akatsuki member are dead and Sasuke's being brought back … Though, Root is trying to be secretive about everything," said Sakura, saying what Shizune couldn't. Shizune had been here watching my progress, and Sakura was keeping track of the rumour mills.

"What happened to Naruto and the others?" I asked. _He's been through too much lately …_

"They should be coming any minute now, hopefully."

The ANBU surrounding the tent seemed to be talking. I thought I sensed relief in their voices. _They know I'm back. The news would've spread like wildfire, and they'll have a hard time controlling visitors._

"Lady Tsunade?"

"Hmm?"

"You won't be able to use the Age jutsu for a good while …"

"That's alright. I don't need it anymore." The words came out automatically. _Thanks to Jiraiya, _I added mentally.

I smiled at the dumbfounded expressions on Shizune and Sakura's faces, not elaborating further. Thankfully, they had the sense not to ask any more about it. I would tell them when I was ready to do so.

An argument was happening at the entrance. Someone was demanding to be let in, and the ANBU refused. His shouting would've been unmistakeable even if I was still comatose. _Naruto. _I couldn't have been happier.

Sakura looked at me questioningly. I nodded. Regardless of permission, he'd eventually barge in anyway. Going to the entrance of the tent, Sakura told the ANBU to let Naruto in. Sure enough, he dashed in, cloak and all, and shouted, "Grandma Tsunade!"

"Keep your voice down, Naruto!" admonished Sakura. If he had spoken any louder, she would've punched him with all her might.

"I'm glad you're back," he said, his voice much softer as he came closer to my bed and sat down. "Everything's over, Grandma." Relief and happiness was evident all over his face. He was beaming through his tears, giving scant regard to his exhaustion and scruffy appearance.

"So much stuff's happened when you were down!" he began, but Sakura stopped him.

"We'd like to know, but Lady Tsunade needs to rest, Naruto," said Shizune patiently.

"We'll talk outside, Naruto. See you later, shishou, Shizune." Sakura nodded at Naruto and they exited the tent.

_Naruto didn't ask about my jutsu, and Shizune and Sakura don't seem to be bothered too much. _I resolved never to put on that mask again, no matter what anyone would say. My chakra point would return eventually, and the Age jutsu served only a cosmetic purpose. A purpose that was pointless at best, and troubling my mind and body at worst.

_Jiraiya didn't need it. And neither will I, from now on._

**Fin**

**A/N: **A few days ago, I thought of writing an introspective piece as to why Tsunade needs the Age jutsu in the first place. But the idea changed into efforts by her to get rid of it, which is easier said than done for her. (I felt bad for putting her through all this, and I'd even thought of killing her off at first. Naturally, I couldn't bring myself to do it.)

It's also ended up a lot longer and with a lot more romance than I'd anticipated. Nonetheless, I think I've tried not to make her too angsty and OOC, and keep this as an angst fic with JiraTsuna as a sub-plot and not the other way round, which would take this one-shot completely off-track. (No offence intended to romance writers and fans, because I'm one too.)

I'd like to thank Vesper for helping me with the idea.

I hope you enjoyed my longest _Naruto _fic to date.


End file.
